I’m a trained fighter I can hit a heavy bag at various strengths and speeds using different combinations. STOP ASKING “WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY” EVERY TIME YOU SEE ME WORKING OUT ON THE HEAVY BAG! JUST. The gym is very much like kindergarten: you have to learn how to share the toys with the other kids. What you’re failing to comprehend, besides the heaping piles of bovine excrement upon which a lot of exercise hypotheses are built, is that there are other people who would like to use that set of 15s you’ve hoarded into the corner like a squirrel before winter. You’re trying to get out your 2nd set of 12 reps of biometric triceps extensions from the latest guaranteed gut-busting workout regiment that you pulled off of unrealisticbodyexpectations(dot)com. Please do not take more than 1 set of weights at a time.And no, leaving your nasty-ass secretions on the machines won’t benefit my immune system, so grab the goddamned spray bottle and wipe it down when you’re done. The last thing that any of us needs to catch some sort of resistant strain of staph because you were too busy to exercise a little hygiene. There is a small chance that your sweat may contain traces of metabolic waste there is even a greater chance that your sweat will contain an obscene amount of bacteria, and any other virus that you may have picked up because two people in your office are insistent of working through the flu. Please, for the love of the Elder Gods, wipe down the machines after using them.There’s a reason why your favorite treadmill is always out of order. I have never been able to digest how people are so convinced of their mechanical inclinations that they can just get on any piece of equipment, having never used it until this moment, and have it operate in the manner that was intended. PLEASE READ THE INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE USING ANYTHING.That being said, when I can feel you watching me go through my preparatory process in what I am choosing to believe is sheer curiosity, only to violently avert your eyes when I just happen to glance in your direction, it’s really fucking creepy. Having been in and out of locker rooms since the tender age of five, I fully acknowledge my acclimation to the nude cis female form. I understand that we all have different mores regarding nudity, and I am not trying to be presumptuous and tell you how you should feel about the topic. Please don’t run away/blatantly avoid eye contact when I start stripping down. You just don’t need take up the entire bench while three other people are waiting to get dressed and get on the floor. I cannot stress the importance of this enough), Technicolor Dream iPod and fully charged Amazon Kindle Fire. during one of the peak gym attendance periods. Listen, I know how much you’ve invested in your new sports bra, running shorts, incorrectly pronated Ascis (Sincerity Break – Make sure that you have invested in gym shoes with the correct pronation. And you’ve pulled this Monday-shirt-with-Wednesday-socks B.S. You’re getting ready to work out, and you’ve laid your clothes out across a 6-foot bench like it’s your child’s first day at preschool. Don’t take up the entire bench in the locker room in order to get dressed.1 through 5 are occurrences that I have witnessed this year alone. This is not a matter of nitpicking at other people’s idiosyncrasies this is an amalgamation of repeated etiquette atrocities that I have witnessed over the years. Now, I’ll make my grievances simple by listing them in the order of a typical timeline at your neighborhood, overpriced elliptical factory. That being said, I know that any criticisms that I may voice against those who don’t understand how a gym operates are going to make me sound like the biggest, privileged asshole.Īt the same time, since most of us have had the opportunity to learn what it is like to share space with other bipedal mammals, I can’t help but feel like displaying a certain level of decorum in a public setting isn’t too much to ask. And instead of talking over my feelings with a select few friends in the privacy of one of our domiciles, you know, like an emotionally mature, socially conscious bipedal mammal, I decided to share these feelings on the one platform that is destined to come back and bite us all in the ass.īefore I begin, I do understand that I have spent the better part of my life in and out of various dance studios, do-jangs and your standard elliptical factories shilling out $30 energy drinks and exacerbated cases of body dysmorphia.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |